Its My Bike! Ride Report 00002: Florida Canyon

Went out today for my second mountain bike ride ever.

Those of you familiar with me in RL know that I am among the most neurotic people ever born. I am also obsessive, stubborn, fear-driven, and compulsive. In other words, I was born to ride.

Today I decided the only way to get good at this is to force it. And I mean in exactly the way that people say, "ya can't force those sort of things." I can. I will.

And I almost did force it. I almost forced my pancreas through my bellybutton today.

Highlights today:

1) An inadvertent epic power slide that had an existential quality to it in the sense that I saw all of bike-dom flash before me in a revelation of wisdom. I knew the powerslide was a legitimate move on a sharper bottom turn. What I didn't know was what the hell I was doing.

This of course led to a miniature near heart-and-kidney-and-bladder failure inducing anxiety attack. It happened in less than 3 picoseconds and lasted until the moment I was already down the trail realizing I had survived a move I don't know how to do.

2) A classic face slap by my favorite bush. We're talking pimp style backhand here. I almost cried, but I was interrupted by a bumpy rut that was trying to wrestle me to the ground and take my wallet.

3) The aforementioned pancreas forcing moment. Despite the fact that I drew up all my Kung Fu Chi and threw it at this climb, I was stopped as if my legs and bike where set in concrete.

I was forced to perform the "walk of shame" up the rest of the hill to a flat spot.

Don't worry about not being there: I made fun of myself for you.

As they say nowhere in particular "Sassaplorn Krendle!"